Quiet, gloomy afternoon back in 5C, where Kevin was moved for critical care yesterday. We got a visit from the pulmonary Dr. who said there appears to be a fistula in his lung-basically, something that shouldn’t be there. He’s not absolutely positive, but they’re going to study the pictures some more, as well as the CT scan, and see what they come up with.
Since this morning, things have been pretty quiet. In the past 30 minutes, Kev has had 3 “bleeps” on his heart monitor indicating, a very quick drop in heartbeat-from about 100-60. Not sure what’s happening there-he’s had this before going the opposite direction (quick from 70-120), so this could all be normal. Nonetheless, with all that’s happened, the nurse just ran and EKG and paged Dr. Kendra.
Kevin’s agitation, and frankly, anger at the new situation has risen extremely. I cannot blame him. He’s feeling very resentful from having gone to almost “free” back to monitors, and the catheter. We took some time this afternoon to pray to God for strength, calmness, and yes, even the dreaded patience in this. Sometimes, I feel like I shouldn’t pray for patience, but I know God will guide us through all of this. We are both frustrated and uncertain, but praying for inner peace at this new situation. I pray they begin to wean him more and more off the pain medication, as it makes him delirious, paranoid and quickens him to anger. It’s hard to see him not himself, but I know who he is inside, when he’s unaffected by all this extra stuff.
Many of you have commented on our Faith, and how evident it is through this. I’d like to do a bit of explaining for those who don’t know much about our Faith background. For myself, I grew up in a small, conservative church in rural Pennsylvania. My values were shaped by the people around me, and I’ve always been deeply involved in church activities. When I left high school, I did as most of us do in our late teens/early 20’s and just explored. For the past few years, my Faith has struggled, but I have always remained a believer of Christ as my Lord’s son, and my savior. As hard as it is to admit, sometimes these things happen just for us to come back to God, and I have a strong feeling, for both of us, it’s possibly the answer to that.
Kevin was raised as a believer as a child, and growing up always struggled with trying to find the right fit. He believed in God, Jesus as his Savior. However, Kevin was never one for “religion”. He had seen religious nuts, and never really could relate to any particular denomination. About 4 years ago, Kevin prayed for me, and a year later, we began talking online. Since that time, I think it truly made him realize there is someone much higher than us. His father, Al, passed away just two weeks after Kevin and I began chatting online, and on the phone. I didn’t know what that would do to his Faith, but he held on, and thanked God that he was able to spend one great last day with his father before his passing.
Kevin and I, since we’ve been married have attended Lancaster County Bible Church roughly 1-2 times a month. I think we’ve both struggled a lot in the past few years with the ups and downs that were handed to us, especially through immigration. Sometimes, life is just so hard.
Since this new journey has begun, our Faith is as strong as it ever could be. Some people blame God for these trials, but to us, we lift God up and give Him praise for helping us through this difficult time. The Devil is doing a lot of things right now, but we’re proud to say that destroying our Faith is not one of them! For us, we hope that our Faith can be a light to those around us who don’t know God, or are not experiencing his everlasting Love.
I’ve never been “preachy”, but if you’d like to know more about Faith, about the type of Love that we feel from God right now, please send me a comment or email and I’d be happy to talk to you more about it.
We feel so blessed. We truly do. God is granting us life, and even though it’s a hard one right now, we know that God brought us together for a purpose. Below is the lyrics to “Love Heals Your Heart” by a band I love, Third Day. This song was played during a special time in our wedding ceremony and fit the bill to our then 2 year relationship and all we had already been through.
“Love Heals Your Heart”
Did you think you were immune to this
Did you think you could escape without infection
You do all you’re able to resist
Just to avoid the danger of rejection
Memory warns you of the past
When it all went wrong
When you think your life is shattered
And there’s no way to be fixed again
Love heals your heart
At a time you least expected
You’re alive like you have never been
Love heals your heart
Everybody has a wall to climb
That was built to guard the pain that holds them captive
Every smile that they would hide behind
Will try to mask the hurt beneath the surface
Sometimes it’s hard to understand
How we’re trapped inside