Reproduction is something I haven’t discussed a lot here because it’s very personal.  I want to share with you a bit because it’s something that has been lain heavily upon my heart.

With the taxol treatment, there is very little chance we will ever be able to conceive.  Although there are things you can do prior to treatment, due to Kevin’s health situation, we were unable to have these things done.

Kevin and I had always hoped to have children together, and this is something that has deeply shaken me.  Although my anxieties and depression about the situation in general have been fairly contained, this particular subject has been one that has caused me a lot of grief.

As with Kevin, the possibility of his esophagus not being reconnected has destroyed some of his hopes, our possibility of not having children has destroyed some of mine.

With cancer, there is not just the initial loss of that “secure” feeling of life, but there is also the loss of so many other things.  In our case, with this cancer, we’re taking some huge losses as well.  While we are so glad that God is giving us the chance to continue our lives together, there are huge sacrifices we take with it as well.  Those alone are sometimes harder to handle than the cancer itself.

Please continue to pray for our minds to be sound and clear.  It is something I especially have been struggling a great deal with.  With my history of ovarian cysts, I have always considered the possibility of us not being able to have children, but now it is almost certain.  Although I have always embraced the idea of us having children either naturally or through adoption, when you find out that you cannot conceive of your own, it is a hard burden to bear.

This again, is very personal to us, but I wanted to share with you a bit of what other things we are struggling with so you know how best to pray and support us.  Thank you, and much love and prayers.