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…. Oct 29

There are just no words.  Not from me, not from those around me.  How can you put THIS into words?  The only thing I can say, is that we are surviving.

I continue to just be devastated.  Some things I can talk about with ease, and others just cause me to break down.  I want to cry all the time, but I know I don’t feel any better.  I want to ask why, but I know I will get no answers.  I just want to not be.  But that also is not an answer.  It is just so hard.

Losing a part of you is just torrential.  There is such a HUGE emptiness that no one can describe.  It literally feels like I have been ripped apart and as ravaged as Kevin’s body was with this cancer.  I hate it.

Thank God for my support system pulling me along.  Thank God the arrangements are made so I can just focus on being with my family and trying to get through the day.

….there are just no words sometimes.

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3 Responses

  1. 1

    I am so sorry for your pain and cannot even imagine. I only hope that since you have had to be strong for so long you allow yourself the time to break down, not talk, talk when you feel like it, cry whenever you want….You have been strong for everyone (including some of us who are complete strangers to you but were pulling for you and Kevin everyday.) You do not have ot be strong for everyone right now. Just take Care of yourself and know that Kevin isn’t far from you at all. He is right there giving you the support you need.

  2. Brenda, Linda and Ken,
    Words cannot expresss the sorrow we felt for you when we read that Kevin had passed away yesterday. He had fought such a hard, hard fight—and it was all for you. He wanted so bad to continue being a husband to you Brenda, and a son and brother to you Linda and Ken. Cancer can destroy the hopes and dreams of so many people, but we can’t let it destroy those of us who are left behind. I know Kevin would want us to celebrate his life—even though it will be very hard for you now.
    Brenda, you had a beautiful husband. I don’t have to tell you that. Our family met the Boitson family about 30 years ago at a curling bonspiel in Fargo, N.D.—and the special bond between our families has grown ever since. They were exceptional—so loving—so caring—such dear friends, that we feel we have lost a son too.
    I know Karna and I will be in Winnipeg for the service, and not sure yet who else will be coming. We will continue to read this website to find out when it will be up there. For now, we continue to keep the whole family in our thoughts and prayers through this difficult time.
    We love you,
    Carolyn and family

  3. 3

    It is okay to have the feelings that you are having. When you want to cry just let yourself cry and don’t feel that you have to put on a “show” for anyone else. We all can understand that this is a tragic thing that you are going through and no one expects you to be strong and not let your emotions show through. You were so strong for Kevin and everyone around you, so now it’s your time. Take time for yourself and with time your pain will heal. His memory will never be forgotten!

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