*warning* complete post of random thoughts and venting. Beware.
I believe that venting is good for the soul. The more you keep things pent up, the more they build, and eventually, you explode on unsuspecting victims. So, rather than exploding, I’m just going to vent my frustrations, express some thoughts and discussions that Kevin and I have had…and just talk. If that’s ok with you…Thanks for listening!
First off, today stinks. There are no ifs, ands, or butts about it…some days just plain stink. This is one of them, and Kevin and I both agree on that. The news that he could get out of the hospital next week is not one of encouragement for us. In fact, we kind of feel like they are shoving us out the door. It’s a Monday, which means health insurance is back in the office, and I have little doubt that they are the ones behind the big push. I could be wrong, but Kevin is CERTAINLY in no condition to leave the hospital this soon. Maybe miracle will happen to make it out the door by early next week, but Kevin agrees that he just is not strong enough to be out.
First off, the chest tube is still in, and while there is a temporary catheter they can put in it’s place to drain, it’s very expensive and may not be covered by health insurance. Our money is spread to pay for medical deductables, and Kevin being off work-not for anything “extra”. So…we’re just not sure how that’s going to fit.
Another hurdle-Kevin hasn’t walked in over a month. Yes, over a month. He can get to and from the bedside commode, but that’s about as far as it goes. Physical therapy has just done visitation, not actually therapy with kevin yet, so that’s a BIG THING that has to happen before we go home. You can’t sent a 36 year old man, who up until this all happened worked out 3-4 times a week, home without being able to walk! You just can’t.
Kevin has not eaten in ALMOST A MONTH. He is getting IV nutrition which is not even sustaining him at this point (he just weighted in at 171-just two months ago he was around 210-10 of those pounds have been lost just this past week). Only RIGHT NOW is he finally getting his feeding tube fixed to be able to get sustainable nutrition. Without nutrition, his body is weak, and hinders his ability to fight infection, walk, etc.
Overall, LOTS AND LOTS of stuff would need to happen ASAP and go perfectly for him to be home next week-so, obviously, we are feeling super overwhelmed and angry about being told they want us out next week. So-we have calls in with PT, the oscomy nurse about Kevin’s esophagoscomy bag, and Dr. Thornton, our main oncologist to get some answers!
Now, let me say, Kevin has been making AMAZING strides, especially in the past week. He is finally going to begin nutrition hopefully today, he got off the heart monitor yesterday, his blood pressure was perfect today, and no fevers for almost 5 days straight. However, Kevin has been through an amazing trial, and has a long way to go. We are in no rush to hurry anything along. We are taking each day in stride…so, when someone wants you out of here sooner than two people think is ready, red flags go up and we say “wait a miute-what’s going on here?”
*deep breath* So that’s my vent-OUR vent. We are also in the midst of figuring out the changes in health care coverage, and looking into medical assistance both here and from Canada, as well as trying arrange the move to my parents. Today is a crazy crazy day.
Ok..I’m done with that for now.
Onto last nights discussion. Kevin and I haven’t had much alone time between doctors, nurses and visitors. So last night we go to just TALK about all that’s going on. I know you all know the phrase “don’t get your hopes up”. I always HATED this phrase, and I’m someone who hates very little. Why not get our “hopes up”? At this point, with everything we’ve been handed in the past two months, I think it’s time to get our hopes up! What do we have to lose?? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
So, here’s what our hopes are up about, and some things that we are fully embracing.
Kevin will one day get “reconnected” and be able to eat again.
This tumor will shrink and disintigrate and Kevin will prove the statistics wrong.
We will fight the odds that chemotherapy puts against reproduction and have a family someday-whether naturally or by adoption.
Kevin will go back to work as soon as he is able and we’ll get back to normalcy.
So there. We’ve said the “we will” instead of the “we hope”. Because with our faith, with God’s will, together, we can achieve ANYTHING. God has said he will not forsake us, and he will never give us more than we can handle. We’re about at that breaking point right now, and we know from here, things can only go up. That is our prayer-that God’s will is our hope and our “will”.
We are strong, but only through God’s amazing faith in US. We are blessed to be his children and to be directed by his guidance and authority. With God all things are possible-even getting through some big hurdles and going home next week. We can’t see how it’s possible, but we know God will protect us and that are his children.
Think of us today…as we are hitting many many road bumps. Even more bump than those lovely Baltimore city streets! Pray with us today….
PS-I just spoke with the nurse who told me she didnt mean to sound like they’re “rushing” us out of there, and that they’re just getting things in order so whenever they do discharge Kevin they will be prepared. We will get a few days notice before discharge to get our affairs in order and ready to receieve Kevin home. Kevin will most likely not be released by the end of this week, and will be re-evaluated for possible discharge come next Monday. It doesn’t look like any discharge and post-discharge chemo-therapy information has even been DISCUSSED with our main oncologist Dr. Thornton. So, until we hear from HER mouth the plan, we’re just going to sit back, relax, and focus on Kevin’s recovery. But thanks for letting me vent. I really don’t like mis-information!!!!
